Virtual Carlin – You Need Help – I Like to Help!

Only $4.95!

Introductory Special – Rent your own Virtual Carlin
Because you probably can’t afford me Full Time…
Please read the full description on this page,
there will be no physical product shipped.
Feel free to buy spares, they don’t expire!
I recommend at least a dozen!

So, What’s in this for You?

• You get the Glowing Satisfaction and a Warm Fuzzy Feeling from helping out a Starving Artist
• The Prestige of being a Philanthropist (I thought this was a good place to show off a big word!)
• We can talk on Skype or your phone for 30 minutes about anything that you have on your mind
• I will Tweet about how awesome you are
• I might even do a YouTube Video in your honor
• This could be used toward a project you may need help with
• Discretion and Plain Brown Wrapper Optional
• Given my current “non profit” situation, this might be tax deductible. I doubt it, but its possible!

So, what kind of things is a Virtual Carlin good for?

• I’ve got a wide background, there has to be something I know that you need!
• I recently wrote a book – Desert Storm Diaries – on Amazon! Buy it Here! Really! -Click! Buy! Thank You!
• So… I wrote and published a book, and I can show you how to do it too… cool right?
• I’m a photographer – I shoot weddings and stuff – I can teach you…
• I’ve also shot wedding video…like over 100 of them I guess
• Heck, between those two alone, if you’re planning a wedding, I can probably help save you some grief!
• I grew up on a farm… that’s good for all kinds of things!
• I fixed helicopters and jets for the Navy (read about it in the above pimped book)
• I am qualified to put out fires
• They said I wasn’t allowed to start fires anymore…
• I learned a lot about high voltage, through direct experience!
• I worked as a Computer Tech for several years, anything from “end user support” to “Microsoft Exchange Server Administration”
• I learned phrases like “Shut up and Reboot” and “Wiggle the Wires” and “Can I put you on hold for a minute?”
• I can teach you the HOW and the WHY of things like Twitter, FaceBook (sorry, no MySpace, ewww!)
• I have an intermediate understanding of things like MySQL, PHP, HTML, EIEIO, and other interesting Jargon
• I once broke, then fixed a WordPress Blog
• Apparently I can Type faster than I can think…
• Wow, you’re still reading this? Go click the button already, I’m tired of typing here!
• Well ok, I’ll type some more, you’re really tough, making me earn my keep!
• I’ve lived or worked in about half of the time zones in the world
• on both sides of the International Date Line
• I’ve crossed the Equator, and am a “Trusty Shell Back”
• And you are probably not!
• I’ve lived in the Mojave Desert (temps. above 120 degrees F.)
• I’ve lived on Guam (Tropical, Typhoons, lots of frogs and tree snakes)
• Oh, and I grew up in Canada, (temps. below -40 degrees… F or C, your choice), Eh?
• I shot, Directed, Edited, and successfully entered a 72 Hour Film Festival
• I don’t recommend you watch the 72 Hour Film Festival Entry, ok?
• I’m not allowed in Memphis, TN, anymore.
• Yes, there is a Story.
• No, I’m probably not going to tell you.
• I am good at things like Research, Problem Solving, Concentrating, Brainstorming, and Sitting Still
• Don’t Believe me? this website thinks so, it called me a INTJ
• I don’t like Labels… they get stuck to things too much
• So if you can think of some thankless boring task you could pass off, I’d probably like it!
• And hey, if you can feed a kid in Africa for 29 cents a day, I can probably do pretty well on $4.95 a day right?

After the Introductory Period, which could end eventually, the Standard Rates will be $25 / Hour, expenses, if any, will be extra, we can discuss that during the first briefing. Of course you have questions, so you should probably talk to someone about them. Since this is my page you’re reading, it seems reasonable that you should talk to me I guess, right?

Ok, you can Follow me on Twitter @CarlinComm or you can Contact me though my website which lists email addresses, phone numbers, that Twitter thing again, FORMS, Gadgets, and … no, I think that’s about it. There was a pigeon there, but times have been a bit rough here lately… oh NO… No.. no… How could you think that? I didn’t eat the pigeon…

So, Cool, thanks for reading this, it was fun writing! Oh, yeah, go ahead and click that button though, I could still use some food money, if you got some. Or a pigeon, you know, what ever.

See, I could have made you go back to the TOP of the page, but to show you how helpful I am, I did that copy and paste thingy and Poof, here’s an Exact Duplicate of the button. Nice right? So, you choose, do you want to click THIS button, or that button WAAAAAY UP at the top of the page? To me, its a No Brainer

Only $4.95!
Introductory Special – Rent your own Virtual Carlin
Because you probably can’t afford me Full Time…
Please read the full description on this page,
there will be no physical product shipped.
Feel free to buy spares, they don’t expire!
I recommend at least a dozen!

Thanks! Carlin