Humor: Retirement Options

(I got this in my email this weekend and thought I'd share it. Proper credit will be at the end of this. )

All I ask is that you not send me hate mail because I've insulted your favorite state! It's all in fun! Enjoy...

When you retire, you could ...

Live in Phoenix where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
3. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
4. You know that "dry heat" is what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
5. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to a neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it takes to get there rather than how many miles it is.
6. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean San Francisco .

Live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3.You think Central Park is "nature,"
4. You believe swearing at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

Live in Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

Live in Texas where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.

Live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on your $2000 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center to get her.
3. A pass does not involve football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

Live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is four cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip to any place else was, you say, "It was different!"

I've been getting a wonderful Newsletter from Dr Philip Humbert, a really great success coach and motivational speaker. Every week he sends one of the best newsletters around, one of the few I actually read. It has a warm, personal touch with lots of motivation, great business tips, quotes and even some nice humor! This month he's giving away a free report (and assessment form) to help you achieve your goals and create the life you truly want. And best of all, it's FREE! I love it and thought you might find it useful, too. Get your copy at:

By Carlin Comm posted on 2009-08-23 19:40:50